As a leader, can you really be too nice?

Can you be too nice as a leader? The short answer is yes, especially if “nice” means avoiding uncomfortable truths. In this post, I share a true story from my time in television that reveals what happens when feedback is withheld to avoid conflict. If you want to be a leader your team can trust, you need more than kindness — you need courage.

VIDEO

“Can you be too nice as a manager or leader? Well, if nice means you don’t give constructive feedback to people, then yes you can be too nice.

First, let’s talk about the idea of being nice vs. being fair. Being nice is performative. It’s almost an extension of politeness. And in North America, being nice often equates to avoiding uncomfortable topics or any sort of conflict.

The challenge is this: while you should always strive to be polite, friendly and professional, it may also be your job to give people feedback on how they are doing. And this is even more important.

I was reminded of this recently when I ran into someone I used to work with back in my television days. She wasn’t technically on my team, but because of the collaborative nature of our work, I often gave her feedback on how she could improve her performance.  At the time, though, that wasn’t exactly easy. You see MY manager at the time thought it was important not to ruffle any feathers so any feedback that wasn’t one hundred percent positive was not encouraged.

And here comes the problem. The former employee said this to me. She said, “You’re the only person in that organization who ever told me I was doing anything wrong. A year after you left, they fired me and told me all of these things they didn’t like about my performance. That was the first time they’d ever said ANYTHING about it.”

And that folks, is NOT fair.  If you want to be a manager people LOVE to work for, it’s not enough to be nice. You need to befair. And being fair means giving crucial feedback – no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel. “

Is your organization leading with kindness and courage?

You may want to have a look at my keynote This Might Get Awkward. It’s perfect for developing both new and more experienced people leaders.